Rotation's Eve

It's the night before I start my third year in which I will rotate through a bunch of different specialties, shadowing and seeing the practice of medicine as opposed to only the theory. This has been the part of school that I've always been the most excited for, but also the most nervous. It's a great big unknown; I really have no clue what to expect tomorrow. How big of a fool will I make of myself? How will I annoy the attending due to my lack of knowledge and experience? What kind of cool stuff am I going to see?

When we were visiting family during our break, Sariah and I talked to my mom about what kind of things she would like to see on the blog. One of her questions has stood out to me more than the others: what are your fears about school? As the day of my first rotation has approached, I've thought more and more about that. What am I afraid of? Maybe this won't be relatable at all, but here's a small glimpse (in bullet point form) into my anxiety.

• What if I get into my first rotation and realize that I absolutely hate practicing medicine? I can't really change careers at this point because of the insane (and I mean insane) amount of debt that I've taken.
• I'm not going to be able to handle it when I lose a patient. I don't mean in the literal sense (although that would be kind of funny, trying to find a patient that's hiding in the hospital), but I mean in the sense of I screwed up and someone died as a result. How does one cope with that?
• I'm never going to see my family again. This is a big one for me. I want to be there for my family and I don't want to miss anything (a la Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing"). However, I've chosen a career that will most likely make this fear a slight reality.
• I'm going to make such a big mistake that I'll get kicked out of the hospital and subsequently fail the rotation and get kicked out of school. 
• I'll misunderstand instructions and get chewed out because I didn't hear well enough or the doctor doesn't really know how to communicate his thoughts or he assumes that I can read his mind.
• I'm worried about the unexpected expenses like car repairs. I'm going to have to do a lot of driving over the next two years. Hopefully nothing majorly bad happens to my car, but you never know.

Although only 6 bullet points, I think that that about sums up my biggest worries. Whenever I get nervous before big things like this, I remind myself that things are never as bad as you imagine. They might be close, but for the most part, this has held true for me. May the pattern continue tomorrow as I face my fears.